"Hope is a dangerous thing to lose." John Locke, Lost

It is still summer.
There is aprox. 3 weeks left of it. Registration is next tuesday.

I am sick of this summer. No, it wasn't a 'bad summer.'
A lot of things happened this summer that I am not that proud of.

I think this summer I have lost a lot of hope. I give thanks to the male species for that.
Last time I was hurt, it was by my family. The time before that, it was my friends. That is all it seems to go through; family+friends. Both of whom have hurt me on many levels and each time, it's harder to get up.
What is the point of life? To find love. To achieve success.
Is that what we want? I guess, that's what I want.
Want and need suffice many different feelings. Are my wants overruling the needs in life?
So, what is it that I need in life? I think I need some love.
I am scared to trust again. This goes for friends (guys) as well as family. As much as I want to be able to trust others, how will I regain the strong trust that is now lost?
Can I rebuild it? How?
I ask a lot of questions. I don't really expect answers. I am thinking...

A lot of things for me this year lead back to friends. Lack of? not so much. I think lack of care would be a better way to put it. Yes, I feel like I am uncared for. Is it true? Maybe I just expect too much.
My friends are almost always changing. I am close to a few friends, but nothing like a best friend. I used to have one. I trusted him beyond any other; again, I lost that trust. Not only was he a best friend, but he was also my boyfriend. Yep, way to screw things up Iris.
No, it's not that I take regret in going out with him or taking our relationship to another level. I feel like I gave up a lot of myself to feel needed/wanted by someone.
This summer, I give up a lot of myself to feel needed+wanted as well.
Thus, I have trouble keeping a relationship with anyone. Guys, girls, family alike.

I want to get over: boys that treat me badly, like a used tissue (not that I don't do the same, but you'll know when I want more.. if ever.); girls that pretend to be there for you. only, I think we are there only for a particular amount of time before getting tossed away or forgotten; As well as friends that are never there for me.

Although I 'hate' boys, I can never get enough of them it seems.

I want to feel as though, the world WILL STOP and I WILL NOT be alone in it.

Have I lost hope?
Have I already crossed that line, where I dont know where to go and I dont even want to go anywhere? as if I am stationary on a train track and there is a train coming at me, Do I move? or do I just wait for it to come, maybe bracing myself.
Hoping the impact will kill me?

So, why bother putting on that smile, fake a laugh, and meet new people that will eventually hurt or disappoint me?

Boys, please don't
ever hurt a girl
that doesn't deserve it.