what?

yeah, there is a lot on my mind...

Have you heard the quote "Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. If we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world." No, I don't know who made this quote, but I like it a lot. Maybe the secret won't break your heart but still... I made the realization of what my secrets were. You know, I never really got the point of secrets though. I mean when you share with others, you're letting them know of an experience as well and maybe they can learn something from it or at least take some sort of understanding. However then there are those who tell too many people. What happens then? I mean if you tell too many people then it feels like no one cares because no one will be able to make a difference in it but yourself right? Dear dear, I hope that makes sense haha


My sister is moving tomorrow. She's going to college. Yep that overachieving sister that I look up to on many levels but at the same time can totally despise her for it, is moving out to move into a dorm. My friend asked me if I was sad, I said no. It's a weird feeling. I mean I think if you asked me a year ago I would have said yes or no straight up. Now, I know I'll miss her, but I'm not sad that she's leaving.. I mean what can I do about it. I guess I've just accepted it. I will miss her, that's all I can really say. Things will defiantly be different without here :/ I don't know how I will take it, but dear god I hope I can. No, I know I can. It'll just take time knowing the relationship I have with my parents. Ima feel hella lonely. I don't know how to make this sound deep and like serious because there is nothing I can do about my sister moving and I am sort of looking forward to not being compared to my sister for awhile. I feel bad though, I'm not showing that I am going to miss her. I hope she knows that I will.. but like I'm not going up to Ann Arbor with her tomorrow becuase I don't feel a point in taking a drive, listening to my ipod, getting out, moving some boxes or just getting in the way of my parents, then prolly lunch/eating, and then a car ride again. I'd rather be resting in my comfy bed thank you. I think part of this (btw, damn i sound stubborn) is because I have a feeling all I'll do is get in the way and be pissed so I'd just rather avoid that. :/ idk It sort of feels like a new beginning, in a been there done that way.
... I'm not going to add to anything about me and my sister. just that she's moving and it'll be different that's for sure. maybe I'll follow up on this later.

I AM thinking.
about?
life
love
change
boys
friends
death
beauty
hate
forgiveness
innocence
mistakes
compassion
tolerance
age
fear
decisions
patience
greed
society
perfection
imagination
confidence


yeah, it's got me thinking.
haha we'll see where it takes me.

btw- if you're actually reading this, I'm sorry this post sucks. My thoughts are completely scattered.


LISTEN TO:
Fall for you -Secondhand Serenade
listening to it makes me get butterflies :]

Today is..

Today is August 25. The school year beings September 2. Summer is slowly but surely coming to a close once again. If you were to ask me how my summer was, I'd say it was good. If I were to describe it in one word, I'd say dramatic.
I think this was a summer of change. Not only were emotions and hormones taking a huge roller coaster ride, all of us were off doing our own thing. We all had things we had to get done. For example, this summer I took on Health Online to get my health credit for school done, driver's training, as well as being a counselor in training at ACA. Apart from that, student council met regularly, and I wanted to keep up with friends along with this being the summer before my sister started college.

There has been a lot on my mind lately, I HAVE been feeling better btw, I'm not really sure where to start or moreover, where to go with this post...

oh yes, dramatic. okay
SRSLY WHERE DID THE SUMMER GO?!?!?!!?!
I think I spent too much of this summer being mad at someone or myself. It was like wasted time. Th lot on my mind ( oh you know.. the usual.. friends, family, boys) and this reflecting thing really isn't working haha

should I try later? maybe
I know this: I have enjoyed summer. I have done things that I haven't done before. I have done things that I may not be proud. I have probably made more mistakes the past 2 and a half months than I have in the past 5 years. I know I still need to learn. I am sorry if I have hurt you, offended you in any way these past months. They have been some of the roughest I have had in well.. they've been the roughest. I am flawed. I am still finding myself.
Thank you for those (Nikki<3) that have stuck by me. the few that were there for me when I was in fresh tears of anger, sadness, and joy. I really do not know what I would have done without you.
actually yeah I have an idea.. I think I woulda gone insane. completely insane.

LET'S HOPE FOR THE BEST FOR THIS LAST WEEK OF SUMMER.
and for those of you whose school year has already begun, good luck.
I hope you are all doing well. [:


if you haven't realized, it's been a month since TAF if I'm correct, and I still haven't don't a reflection on that week. In my opinion, there isn't that much to reflect on but nonetheless my reactions and such I think will come all the same... just later.


on a different note: I really like boys and shopping. However boyshopping, now that is cruel =P

08/09 Schedule

1- Acc Algebra II, Davidson
2- French III, Blain
3- First Aid, Doherty
4- Biology, Craun
5- AP U.S. History, Frankland
6- Honors English 10, Kralik

Lunch A


Let me know if we have anything in common :]

sick

try being on five pills (actually 7 pills total)
its sickening.
I'm sick
but I don't feel sick.
I had to get my finger pricked today and I burst into tears. They brought in like 3 nurses just to try to calm me down.
Sad, I reacted like a little 2 year old would. haha I am not good around blood and sharp objects such as needles and the combination of the two make me feel uneasy and scared.
I wanna get rid of *this that I have ASAP please and thank you :]

Unlimited Texting

I think I will enjoy it very much and use it to the fullest. :]

I had a fever of 103 and already it's going down.

I just finished watching Step Up 2 for the very first time. I cried during it, is that normal? I enjoyed the movie.

?+&yesterday

I still don't really know how to use this blog, however, I know how to post blogs, which I think is the only thing it's needed for. lol

Yesterday was fun. It was a party at Ali's aunts house. (a pool party, the water was freezing btw) It was an enjoyable time, but there was a lot on my mind.
In the five hour period, I learned a lot about people. For example, lack of self confidence is a HUGE turnoff; I AM able to say no to a lot of things (I am able to make my own decisions); and there are random people that will tell you the truth about others just so you don't end up getting hurt.

I didn't realize how much it bugs me that people smoke and how it can affect the people around you. Not only is it also a huge turnoff, but it makes you look stupid. Srsly, find something better to do than smoke cigarettes and pot.
So, do I follow the rules? No, I don't. I am flawed. Do something about it, but in some sense yesterday I was really glad I used my instinct and said no to a guy. (I mean, yeah I've said no before but with legit reason. This one kept asking and pushing me to do smthg I did not want to do. (even getting me closer to the ladder to get out) Instead of caving in, I just swam away.

Okay, so
right now, apparently
I might have mono, strep, or just a viral infection :/ It's no fun.
I have been extremely unhealthy with myself, putting my wellness last.
geez. I hope I feel hella better soooon!

peace out girl scout

"Hope is a dangerous thing to lose." John Locke, Lost

It is still summer.
There is aprox. 3 weeks left of it. Registration is next tuesday.

I am sick of this summer. No, it wasn't a 'bad summer.'
A lot of things happened this summer that I am not that proud of.

I think this summer I have lost a lot of hope. I give thanks to the male species for that.
Last time I was hurt, it was by my family. The time before that, it was my friends. That is all it seems to go through; family+friends. Both of whom have hurt me on many levels and each time, it's harder to get up.
What is the point of life? To find love. To achieve success.
Is that what we want? I guess, that's what I want.
Want and need suffice many different feelings. Are my wants overruling the needs in life?
So, what is it that I need in life? I think I need some love.
I am scared to trust again. This goes for friends (guys) as well as family. As much as I want to be able to trust others, how will I regain the strong trust that is now lost?
Can I rebuild it? How?
I ask a lot of questions. I don't really expect answers. I am thinking...

A lot of things for me this year lead back to friends. Lack of? not so much. I think lack of care would be a better way to put it. Yes, I feel like I am uncared for. Is it true? Maybe I just expect too much.
My friends are almost always changing. I am close to a few friends, but nothing like a best friend. I used to have one. I trusted him beyond any other; again, I lost that trust. Not only was he a best friend, but he was also my boyfriend. Yep, way to screw things up Iris.
No, it's not that I take regret in going out with him or taking our relationship to another level. I feel like I gave up a lot of myself to feel needed/wanted by someone.
This summer, I give up a lot of myself to feel needed+wanted as well.
Thus, I have trouble keeping a relationship with anyone. Guys, girls, family alike.

I want to get over: boys that treat me badly, like a used tissue (not that I don't do the same, but you'll know when I want more.. if ever.); girls that pretend to be there for you. only, I think we are there only for a particular amount of time before getting tossed away or forgotten; As well as friends that are never there for me.

Although I 'hate' boys, I can never get enough of them it seems.

I want to feel as though, the world WILL STOP and I WILL NOT be alone in it.

Have I lost hope?
Have I already crossed that line, where I dont know where to go and I dont even want to go anywhere? as if I am stationary on a train track and there is a train coming at me, Do I move? or do I just wait for it to come, maybe bracing myself.
Hoping the impact will kill me?

So, why bother putting on that smile, fake a laugh, and meet new people that will eventually hurt or disappoint me?

Boys, please don't
ever hurt a girl
that doesn't deserve it.

Let's Begin

Hi!
I'm Iris.
I am young and restless.
learn more about me later.

Why have I decided to start blogging?
I found journaling too hard and time consuming; I went through too many notebooks. Blogging also seems a lot more convenient and a way to express what's going through my head.