How do you fall in love?




I question everything.
Nothing feels definite. One day it could all disappear.
I know not to take advantage of what you have, everything can be held of value.. even the bad things like pain.
I find that now more than ever, I am asking questions-- in search of answers.
College, friends, relationships, choices, decisions, leadership, independence, dependence, conflicts, interests, curiosity. They tell me that they don't get me. That they want to listen. They want to hear my story but what if, I don't want to speak. I choose to speak my thoughts only when I feel I should. I keep things to myself. I keep wondering.

Summer/School-
In fear, I am sad this summer is coming to an end. This year will be tough. I already know that. As I begin planning for the road ahead that I hope to take (yes, college-bound) it only feels like it is full of bumps, turns, and dead ends. Maybe it won't be... but right now that's all I'm seeing.
In curiosity, I am excited for this school year to begin. It has the potential to bring a lot; I have potential to bring a lot into this school year. Hopefully I will. New people, new lessons, new interests, new goals. New beginnings?

Relationships-
I am only looking for what I want, not what is halfway there for me. I don't want to get hurt along the way. I don't want to hurt you or anyone else along the way either. I don't like pain. I don't think you should experience it if you can help it/prevent it. Yes, I understand that the pain and hurt can make you stronger, it can bring us together to make us something stronger, but all the same- it hurts.
I want to feel love.

Friends-
I hope to find who I can dearly call a friend and who I can't. But what do I do with the people who I call friends, but really aren't? I am an overall outgoing person that doesn't stop for much. I care a lot about everyone even though sometimes I do not want to care. I overlook what I have because I'm too busy looking for what I want, which is only the best. I am happy to have one friend I can always turn to for anything. I am lucky to have someone like that in my life.

Myself-
My expectations are too high. Really. 36 on ACTs please? 4.0 GPA (yeah I think I can. I'm at a 3.5 right now) NHS, Junior Class President, art, French 4, AP's, social life?, SAT's+subject tests?, do a few college courses, school involvement, get a job, workout, stay in shape, be healthy.. the list DOES go on. Oh, how much I am looking forward to stressing myself out. I aim high. I'm the only person getting in my own way. I need to set my mind, body, soul straight and go for what I want. But if all I want is the best, why do I sell myself short sometimes? This year I will not let anyone get in my way to be all that I can be. I hope to be able to sustain relationships with the people I enjoy being around, the teachers that have helped me move along, administration that gets me out of class to help them out, and some random other people that just give me hugs and make my day a bit brighter.

I'm looking forward for the sun to rise again.


OH BUT I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO WAKING UP EARLY, MISSING THE BUS, and days where I just feel+look like shit (:
and the stress. the stress the stress the stress..
I'll handle it. Hopefully I wont need some random surgery bc my body decides not to function one day.

Two weeks until school starts.

Weird- when I started writing this, I knew I wanted to blog. But I thought I would keep it short. I guess not huh?

Tonight- Art class. then hopefully biggby's open mic night with friends.


I'm tired. I feel like someone is overbearing me. I feel like I need to let go of a few people in my life and set things straight. I feel stressed because I am behind in my work (act, summer reading, french hw, piano, etc.). I feel thankful for the people that can take me for who I am.

-Iris