fuckShopping

I hope this doesn't sound materialistic or something. Lately shopping has sucked for me. Maybe its because I still seek for my mother's (well parents) approval in pretty much everything in some way and my mom pretty much (for the most part) is more lacking in fashion in comparison to me. Maybe it IS the economy that has changed the way I look at spending money on fashion.
I went shopping today for like 3 hours with my mom, I bought Godiva chocolate. That was it.
I saw things that I liked, but I knew I didn't need. [I have two dresser and a closet full of clothes. literally FULL- like I literally have to find ways to fit anything in them] Things I knew, would fit me, I would adore wearing and stuff, but just for some reason didn't find fit to buy it-- and for some reason that really bothers me. I feel like I haven't bought anything new in awhile. Almost as if to say like where's my style gone? Do I not care anymore? I mean I still put somewhat of an effort to look "decent" (no for some reason I don't want to say "good" because I just don't feel it.) but there's so much more I could do. Maybe it is the money part. I don't wanna be wasting my parents money on clothes that really won't matter as much as the education they'll be paying for in two years.

Maybe.

I used to use shopping as an excuse to buy things to get over my feelings. (haha early indicators of a shopaholic? maybe. but I have enough control and resistance to temptation I think :P ) Now my escape is music. Shopping has only become somewhat of an accessory to life, something not really needed but I still want it there.
I don't know why I wrote this. I've been feeling down lately. I wanna buy everything. or nothing at all. So I stick to nothing, knowing that buying whatever it is will still leave an empty void in me; why bother? Fuck I soundd pathetic. Deal with it. I have strange thoughts attached to emotions.

I guess this sounds weird coming from me. I feel like it is. I feel like whatever it is I am feeling I need to express and I am still learning how in ways I'm unsure of.

peace.