beauty pageant dropout

looks aren't everything.
beauty isn't always as beautiful as what meet the eye.
I'll follow up on this later.

play list.

Do you get it?
It's not just you.
It's probably more me than you.
I'd hate to think it's you.

I don't want to risk myself. I don't want to make myself vulnerable to you.
You can make me feel so different like maybe for a split second, I'm not alone. Just a second. It seems to go away just as quick.

Sadly, I have come to the realization of what I have been doing- to myself.
It sucks. Who am I harming/putting at risk?
Only me.

This so called '' play list" I want to over come it.
No, not by doing everybody on that list.
I don't want that list. It's like I know what you want. I want the same thing
but I want something, someone to be there for me.
and I mean really be there for once for me for a conversation but still more.
Incomplete?

Boys. that's the 'you'
the play list.
you could be on it.
(it's two words in this sense. think about it, you might get it.)

Zach told me, just stop it then if you don't want to go on like this anymore.
I can. but I can't. I need something to fill that if I am going to stop and this is hurting me emotionally as opposed to physically.

Someone fill that empty space. in my mind&heart.


listen to:
-Chemistry of a Car Crash- Shiny Toy Cars
-Lovely- Breathe Carolina (one of my faves:)

Iris was here.

to whom it may concern. lol

i like you
but i dont wanna like you
I especially dont want to fall for you.

no, not that i dont think we'd work out just fine
but because I dont wanna risk it and i'm not sure if you'd be worth it if anything.


prove me wrong.

____________________


I put my heart out on a string.
no, I don't receive much in return
I've sorta lost that expectancy from you sadly.


I've put my heart out on a string seeing how you'd react.

I put my soul out
for you to hear me speak of the truth
I don't want to hear an "I'm sorry, Iris"

Don't let your lips say my name if that is all you are going to say.


love me
hate me.

care about me?

you wont ever believe me
or ever understand me
don't count on it
unless if you really are something
amazing.

HC dresses.

I couldn't think of a title for this blog. mostly because the only reason I'm writing is because I want to, there will be no true purpose that I know of as I'm typing this. :] haha

That being said,
there is a lot on my mind. and yeah I mean A LOT.
no one has taken that load off. Someone has relaxed it a little bit though (KP+HM) Thank you.

Visited Tiffany today.

Got two dresses for homecoming yesterday
Super cute.
I don't know which one I'm going to choose but I guess we'll find out by October 11th!

btw, I don't have a date.. yet ;P
haha

okay so homework is hard.
life's been a muthfucking rollarcoaster

oh yeah and I'm sorry if I say and repeat things too much..

plug and chug.


peace/

RNDMAUTOBIO

The homework assignment was "random autobiography"
Here's how mine turned out... it's not half bad either lol. in my opinion anyways.

Random Autobiography

I want to be

more than what

anyone thinks

I can be. Make me

smile, laugh, struggle.

Challenge me.

I want to strive

between the lines

of endearment and

success. Keep me motivated.

I will make mistakes

just like

anyone else. You say forgive

and forget.

I’ll forgive. I won’t

forget. I will not

make the same mistake

twice, if

I can help it.

I can do

the unexpected.

Like making

space for

everything

and everyone.

It’s worth taking

a risk sometimes.

I like adventures and

being in

open space.

A hot summer

afternoon or rainy

Sundays are my favorite.

Cuddling with a book

in one hand

and waiting for

a phone call is usually

how it goes.

I am ambitious.

I dream things

bigger than what

Walt Disney could

possibly dream of.

I make wishes at 11:11,

none of them

have come true,

yet.

Happiness is a

first for me, even

if I do not always

have it.

I will hide it behind

a smile.

Spread peace.

I am

Taiwanese- American.

I am part of the Taiwanese-

American Foundation (TAF).

It is a big part

of who I am.

I like to

learn new things

and take

things from every

experience.

Don’t waste my time.

Let me be

who I want to be,

only myself.

I try not to

judge people

before I get

the chance to know

them.

I give people

too many chances.

I hope for

the best in

everyone.

“The greatest thing

you’ll ever learn

is just to love

and be loved

in return,” Moulin

Rouge. In my opinion,

one of the greatest

movies out there.

Some say otherwise.

I am open-minded,

but I can be

stubborn.

Let’s believe

in reality.

but still give

ourselves the

pleasure to

believe in

something else

we want in life.

I live each day.

I move

on to the next.

Dream big. Fall hard.

Sometimes,

getting back up

is worth it.

Iris ---

09/02/08

Underneath it all

I'm still that girl
waiting to be found.
Unwanted everywhere.

When it all comes off,
you'll see
that I'm just a simple girl.
something special.
almost broken inside.
just wishing to hide from it all.


We all too often feel alone in this world, even if there are people willing to reach a hand out and try to help. Even if progression of the original problem is not solved, these specific people give some reason to take another breath.

I miss being 'me'
I don't know who I am anymore.
I know why I make the reckless decisions,
for the most part anyways
but why do I continue doing something I know is wrong?
I have no idea.

I don't know what thrives me.
What keeps me motivated.
If I said boys, you'd say I was trashy
if you don't I will.
If you say friends, I'll casually reply
What friends, the one's that will never be able to understand me, let alone try?
If you say music,
what can I say, with those jackassed musicians out to get some girls.
Some false lyrics made to sound good and sell to make money.
Some fake feeling that you listen to to convince yourself that you're not alone.
whatever.
If you say You, Iris keep yourself motivated
I ask how.

:/
I don't think I ever make sense
oh and I also think I say that ^ too often lol



HC- Oct 11
no date.
pretty dress.

HC game vs. romeo- Oct 10

Powderpuff Game + Drive-InMovie +HC pep rally- Oct 7

myspace is the devil.

I got lost more times today than I did on Friday
:[ haha

okay. so I realized how cool it was for me to post all that is below. =P with that said
Go check them out. If you like them, still have a myspace, friend them and Tell them that Iris sent you( myspace.com/lov3_iris )
yep. I mostly actively use myspace now. ( I hear A-Lo saying.. "myspace is the devil" in the back of my head still :O ) so if you haven't yet friend me there.

oh as for the title of this post.
well i needed one and decided to put that :]

I SUPPORT

so, in stead of doing homework. this it what I do.
so much for starting off the year with less procrastination.
But I strongly suggest you check out some of these awesome groups.
There's a lot of bands (tons are good but few will make it. lol)
and some clothing lines and just groups.
haha myspace it biotch. check it out :] There are many
























































^Tim's awesome. You gotta love him :]



haha i need a life =P
actually no
I need to finish this goddamn homework!