fuckShopping

I hope this doesn't sound materialistic or something. Lately shopping has sucked for me. Maybe its because I still seek for my mother's (well parents) approval in pretty much everything in some way and my mom pretty much (for the most part) is more lacking in fashion in comparison to me. Maybe it IS the economy that has changed the way I look at spending money on fashion.
I went shopping today for like 3 hours with my mom, I bought Godiva chocolate. That was it.
I saw things that I liked, but I knew I didn't need. [I have two dresser and a closet full of clothes. literally FULL- like I literally have to find ways to fit anything in them] Things I knew, would fit me, I would adore wearing and stuff, but just for some reason didn't find fit to buy it-- and for some reason that really bothers me. I feel like I haven't bought anything new in awhile. Almost as if to say like where's my style gone? Do I not care anymore? I mean I still put somewhat of an effort to look "decent" (no for some reason I don't want to say "good" because I just don't feel it.) but there's so much more I could do. Maybe it is the money part. I don't wanna be wasting my parents money on clothes that really won't matter as much as the education they'll be paying for in two years.

Maybe.

I used to use shopping as an excuse to buy things to get over my feelings. (haha early indicators of a shopaholic? maybe. but I have enough control and resistance to temptation I think :P ) Now my escape is music. Shopping has only become somewhat of an accessory to life, something not really needed but I still want it there.
I don't know why I wrote this. I've been feeling down lately. I wanna buy everything. or nothing at all. So I stick to nothing, knowing that buying whatever it is will still leave an empty void in me; why bother? Fuck I soundd pathetic. Deal with it. I have strange thoughts attached to emotions.

I guess this sounds weird coming from me. I feel like it is. I feel like whatever it is I am feeling I need to express and I am still learning how in ways I'm unsure of.

peace.

On the Brightside

"you're only as tall
as your heart will let you be
and you're only as small as the world will make you seem
and when the going gets rough
and you feel like you may fall
just look on the bright side
your roughly six feet tall"
On the Brightside- nevershoutnever!


Icy hot (hot hot hot) Patches. Group 1 (2007)
(Clockwise starting at the way left: Josh, Jeff, Will, Alicia, Me, Derrick[cut off a bit in this photo-might repost a pic] Nicole, Bettina)
You know when you feel like you've lost connection with everyone, everything? You're in your own bubble. Maybe you don't have a care in the world with the lonely feeling- in some people's eyes it could be independence; maybe you hate that your in your own space though, but then you go along with life and you somehow (or hopefully) find that person or those people that make you feel like okay that you lost connection because you know you can bring it all back.

Although Howard can just be super awkward at times (or outright hilarious), this is one of my fave pics with someone else. Someone that did something very little, but somehow made a difference in my life. So tiny and insignificant maybe, but something that can still make me randomly smile and remind me that there is someone out there that remembers something little and insignificant that you did and is thinking of you.

(me, Harry, Stephanie)
Getting over , starting over, something new.
I'm glad we are able to accept second chances. (most of us anyways, and in situations that you can.) We came off different paths last year, and ended up on the same one this year as we came together again. We were able to move on, move forward, and I'm glad we have. It's like coming together after a few years and realizing we were always on the same page. (I'm always here to listen.)
Sometimes I get the feeling of deja-vu when I meet someone new that gives me the feeling I used to get from an old friend or someone that used to be in my life. It's not a bad feeling if that person that you're thinking of gave you comfort and security (that person as a friend anyways.) It reminded me of my first year when I was so high up in enthusiasm and felt like I couldn't be more free. It reminded me of why I came to love this place called TAF as much as I do and how I came to feel that TAF was a safe haven. Your openness and friendliness couldn't help but make me smile. It made me want to go back when I was so care-free about life and everything going on around me. However, it also made me realize how I've changed since TAF, partly how I changed because of TAF, and why TAF has changed me. Growing up isn't a bad thing. haha We all have to in time. Even though times can be hard, super hard, and even harder, you come out in the end. You reminded me of me in a way which was why I was so happy to meet you this year.
I know I'm not great with words.. I try.
VIVA LOVE FOREVER.

*btw this post is kinda deep for me for not being mad (I write pretty deep when I'm mad, just never in too much detail.) I'm not sure if I like it too much-I mean the writing. uhm and omg SO many pictures to choose from, it was kinda hard. so you'll probably see those pics coming up slowly. probably, that's not definite though. maybe I'll have a post of JUST pictures. but that might bore you. haha peacelove. <3

hohope.

Ever think how much you would lose if you didn't have hope?
Ever realize how much you gain just by having it there?

I like to think that I rely on hope to get through life...


________________________________________

"Someone I Relied In
by Shane Michael Clouthier- aka Shane the Poet.
visit his works at http://iam.shanethepoet.com/
or http://shanethepoet.com/

and the words that you showed me were mistaken
the baby blue shirt that you moved away from my hands
and our backs sat there while our mouths made love

and I could have thought for a moment that I was safe in this cabinet
but I threw you aside the china and tore your back up with a nice piece of
glass

with out a shower to use, a second seemed to be a minute
and we made out like bandits
the baby blue sky dimmed to purple haze, covered by black clouds
and our backs just sat there while our mouths made love

regardless of how far you could toss me, I was outside of your zone
nothing could stop us, not even the phone

it wasn't making love anymore, it was just kidding around
maybe somewhere else there would be a need for this kind of passion
but this car is speeding down a 15
and our backs just sat there while our eyes made love

holding on to your hands, the hatred for me slowly faded away
because we both know it was never worth it

if you could have seen the sky turn pink tonight in this galaxy
maybe somewhere else, from a telescope you would know why I have
started to fall asleep with your song in my head
and our backs just sat there while our hearts made out like bandits

like someone I relied in, your name was no longer a metaphor
I just had you backwards on the table"

__________________________________________

keep hope.


Today: Student Council Junior class meeting at emilia's whoever's idea it was to have the meeting wasted our 90 minutes in my opinion. We got it all done in like 40 minutes tops. True, we got things cleared up in time, reminders, more stuff out on the table, a bit of better communication, but was it really necessary? whatever. whats done is done right? Anyways, it was a good excuse to hang out with a few good friends that I never seem to get a chance to outside of council.

Toronto/Thousand Islands NY Sunday through Tuesday.
Maybe I'll update before then maybe not.

quick. likeee one thing.

Celebration Dance (Aug 1, 2009)

TAF '09 (weekend)
glad I went. BET YOU CANT FIND ME IN THAT PHOTO (but I AM in it!)
probably more later once I get everything up (pictures+videos)

hahahahahahahahhaha.FACK

packing today.
leaving tomorrow
TAFTAFTAF!
haha and blasting the new playlist while doing itt (: yay

Bother.

This has happened to me more than once. I start getting this feeling of a really great relationship with someone- someone I can rely on, care about, someone that cares about me.
Then it feels like there's this time where suddenly communication stops.
like wtf?
Now I want to know, why?
What changed? Why now?
and was all you said a lie?



I realize I'm not getting very deep into this, I guess I'm having trouble really thinking of what I want to say, but I think.. at least I said something to express it.


Sidenote-
I finished my WorldHistory Online Class
and TAF weekend on Friday! (two days!)

THIS IS THE WEEK OF TAF09

this week.
not at taf. (www.tafworld.org)
different than most. this is would have been my 5th year going.
but I am visiting over the weekend. meaning the excitement I normally bring in 8 days, I get to makeup in THREE. (;

Online class finishes this week.
Cramming.

(me and the bday girl from Biggby's one night.)

Yesterday- Allie's Sweet Sixteen.
Sickk party. (:
Pictures still need to be uploaded.

(this is from Oct 08)

Let's have some fun,
this beat is sick,
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.

Guilty/Innocent. Bored and wanted to update.

RULE 1
You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2
You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
(So people reading this, if you want an explanation, comment.)

Now, here's what you're supposed to do and please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag 20 of your friends to answer this. Then see what happens.

1. Asked someone to marry you? guilty
2. Kissed one of your Facebook friends? guilty.
3. Danced on a table in a bar? innocent.
4. Ever told a lie? guilty.
5. Had feelings for someone whom you can't have back? guilty.
6. Ever kissed someone of the same sex? guilty.
7. Kissed a picture? guilty.
8. Slept in until 5 PM? guilty.
9. Fallen asleep at work/school? guilty.
10. Held a snake? guilty.
11. Been suspended from school? innocent.
12. Worked at a fast food restaurant? innocent.
13. Stolen from a store? innocent.
14. Been fired from a job? innocent.
15. Done something you regret? guilty.
16. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? guilty.
17. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? guilty.
18. Kissed in the rain? guilty.
19. Sat on a roof top? guilty.
20. Kissed someone you shouldn't? guilty.
21. Sang in the shower? guilty.
22. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? guilty.
23. Shaved your head? innocent.
24. Slept naked? guilty.
25. Had a boxing membership? innocent.
26. Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? innocent.
27. Been in a band? innocent.
28. Shot a gun? (what kinda gun you talkin' bout? :P) guilty.
29. Donated Blood? innocent.
30. Eaten alligator meat? innocent.
31. Eaten cheesecake? guilty.
32. Still love someone you shoudnt? guilty.
33. Have/had a tattoo? innocent.
34. Liked someone, but will never tell who? guilty.
35. Been too honest? guilty.
36. Ruined a surprise? guilty.
37. Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you cant walk afterwards? guilty.
38. Erased someone in your friends list? guilty.
39. Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) or man's clothes (if your a girl)? guilty.
40. Joined a pageant? innocent.
41. Been told that you're handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? guilty.
42. Get totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning? innocent.
43. A total stranger treat you by paying your jeepney fare? innocent.
44. Get totally angry that you cried so hard? guilty.

okay this wasnt that exciting.
darn.
haha something more later.

People really say that?

"I'm saying some people want to win the lotto but I'd rather have u in my life"

I guess so.
Thanks for making my day so much brighter.

I like what you said today.

"all that exists in mind and reality are capable of being changed but its not in every case a simple fix but it is possible."

"i promise you, how ever hard it will be i will bring out some sort of love within you for yourself...because i can tell you that youve already brought some out of me"

"you will feel different and better in time i promise, i keep all promises and i know that because i know how to find the secret love "

Listen to yourself.
You know who you are.

remind me.

what there is to smile about again?

why this fight won't end?

why this struggle is always there?

why I can't fight it?
why this, of all things, I can't let go?

sundown.

thought: Can you really miss something when you
know that sooner or later it will come back?